Who's Pain is Worse, Yours or Mine?

Pain is pain. No matter what the severity or cause. The person who is suffering it is feeling it fully and it may take over their perspective on things. To an outsider it may appear trivial and they think that the person is blowing it out of proportion and may recall a time when their sickness, injury or emotional event was much worse and that the person should just suck it up.

However it isn’t that simple. I’m finally starting to recover from a bad head cold. A few days ago I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was grumpy, tired and my nose leaked like a faucet. I couldn’t think straight to save my life and of course I had a very busy week ahead. While all this is going on I get a call from my mother, her MRI had come back with some issues, they needed to run more tests. Suddenly having a bad head cold didn’t seem so dire.

As humans we like to be noticed for our pain. My five year old loves to tell me about her little cuts, ones she often can’t even find to point out to me. When I recognize these owies, no matter how small, you can see the look on her face of appreciation for being listened to. Even as adults, no matter the size of our boo boo’s, we like to be noticed.

So what to do when your pain isn’t being recognized or in my case when my mother’s situation is obviously more serious than mine? The first thing is that your pain is real and you are experiencing it. It is not something to be dismissed just because someone else is worse off. That being said it is important to be respectful of the other person as well. Be considerate for what they are going through. You don’t need to minimalize your pain but you also don’t need to shout from the roof tops to be recognized. Sometimes we feel guilty about feeling bad. We think that we shouldn’t feel as awful as we do because others are worse off. But you can feel like crap, it’s ok. The key is not to linger. In order to heal you need a positive outlook and truly believe it.

When I was on the phone with my mom she caught on to the sound of my voice and the constant blowing of my nose. She was able to look beyond her diagnosis to ask how my health was. In respect to her feelings I thanked her for asking and kept my answer short, said it was a bad cold but I’ll be on the mend soon. I then proceeded to ask more questions about her. The fact that she thought to inquire after my health, considering her recent diagnosis, meant the world to me and I wanted to offer her that same recognition.

We're all different, some need more love and care when they are sick than others. Being able to read people is an essential tool. Keeping your ego in check but not letting yourself fall into the shadows to be forgotten about is important. Like I said in the beginning, we all like to be noticed for our suffering, it’s about receiving and giving. If no one notices that you are sick, notice yourself. Give yourself a sick day to recover. Next time a friend or family member is sick, take the time to notice and ask if there is anything you can do. In the end we will all feel better.