What's the Rush!

I was waiting at the bus stop with my kid today and when I heard the bus coming I called her over. I asked for a hug goodbye and she said, "Can't got to go". Even though the bus was still a few feet away, she felt she didn't have the time to say goodbye to me. That sucked, but what sucked even more was that it was my fault. One of my biggest anxieties I have is perpetually worrying about being late. I feel like I'm always rushing to get somewhere. Without meaning to I passed this on to my daughter, so at five she is worried about being late. That's not cool.

I consider myself lucky in the sense that I'm aware of this anxiety and that to some degree I'm working on it. Unfortunately I'm only at the point where I know how to calm myself down once I realize I'm getting all worked up. In the mornings when I'm trying to get my kid out the door I'm rushing her and myself and don't get to the calming down point till I wave goodbye as the bus is driving away. So all she sees is mommy worried about being late, she never gets to see me relax.

When working on something we don't like about ourselves you need to have awareness of the issue and also the strength to diligently work on it. For example, instead of waiting to take a break and calm down at the end of each episode, I could stop right in my tracks (even though I think by doing that I'll make myself late) and take a few deep breaths. It also helps to have a mantra, or a positive phrase that you say over and over in your head, or aloud if you need a bit more encouragement. I could say, when I'm feeling rushed, "It's OK, you have plenty of time." So if I feel I don't have time to take a few breaths, I can at least repeat my mantra over and over.

These two tricks, the breathing and the mantra, are simple, but can have a profound impact. You see, as awesome as our brains are, they are pretty easy to trick. If we say something enough times and give our brains a moment to let it sink in, lasting changes can be made.

I don't imagine my battle with this anxiety issue will be over with anytime soon. I've had it since childhood. I am hopeful though that my daughter won't have to deal with it. I will be teaching her the same breath work and mantra that I use so that when she sees me all worried about being late, she can calm herself down. I've also told her to remind mommy if she looks like she is worried. When I tell myself to calm down I don't always listen, but when it comes from her I will. The same can apply to you, have someone in your life who you care about and trust point out when you are doing that thing you are trying to stop doing. It's easier to beat something as a team rather than going solo.

There will be times that you fail, you will not stop and take a breath and you won't say your mantra. When this happens it's OK. Just try again the next time. Staying positive about changing will help you achieve your goal, while beating yourself up for slipping will only discourage you and make you want to just give up.

Everyone can change as long as they put in the effort. Write down your worst quirk. Something that drives you nuts and affects the people around you. Then write down a mantra, remember to keep it in the present. I am, not I will. Practice taking slow deep breaths. If your mind is really racing count to ten as you breathe. Last, find a friend or family member who will not be afraid to let you know when you're slipping. Good luck and just keep on taking those deep breaths, eventually you will realize you aren't having to take as many as you used to.