Teaching Our Kids to Let Go of Tension

My daughter likes to make spider webs with masking tape. This is no easy task as the tape rips easily and doesn't always stick well to the surface she is attaching it to. This generally leads to frustration and tears.

As a five year old she is learning lots of new things, some come easy to her and others she has to work hard at. As a yoga therapist I've noticed that her posture, since she has started school, is taking on a different form. Tension is entering into her once stress free body. She worries about not getting things right and isn't sure how to deal with conflicts with other students at school. As her mom I just want to wrap her up in my arms, calm her down and protect her from the world. Realistically this can't happen so I need to teach her to let go of her stressors before they add up and lead to anxiety and health issues.

Children love learning yoga. Teaching yoga to children is completely different than teaching adults, a lot of patience may be needed on your part. You can't expect them to sit still and take deep breaths. They wiggle and giggle and contort themselves into positions that would make you dislocate something. Even though they aren't taking the situation seriously, they're still getting the healthy benefits, which is letting go of stress and frustration. The yoga poses are fun, but it's the breath work that is most beneficial to helping kids let go of stress.

When my daughter is working on something and having a hard time I tell her to stop what she is doing and take 10 of her yoga breaths (a long inhale and exhale), I also have her count them while she does it. By the time she's done, she's calmer and ready to take on the task again. If you don't think your kid will pause long enough to do 10 breaths, have them do 3-5. Have them place a hand on their belly and imagine it blowing up like a balloon when they inhale, and deflating when they exhale. Kids love imagery, get creative.

Teaching your children a way to handle their stress, rather than bottle it up inside, will set them up to cope with it better as adults. The more we do something, the better we get. Teaching them this simple breathing technique and reminding them to use it, will ingrain in them that when they feel that sensation of frustration or stress coming into their body, they just need to take a moment and breathe. Eventually it will become so automatic they won't have to give it much thought. It is easier to break a habit when they're children, rather then when they're adults.

Deep breathing won't solve all of the problems my daughter will face in her life, but at least it will slow her down for a moment so that she can think about solutions, rather than feel overwhelmed by the situation. I'll still be there to hold her (for as long as she'll let me), but as a mom I feel better knowing she has a little something to rely on.

Take a Deep Breath for Your Health

We all know that in order to live you need to breathe. But did you know that if you aren't breathing correctly that you may be adversely affecting your health? Before I did yoga I was breathing wrong. I was an anxious breather, meaning that the mechanics of my inhale were wrong.

If you are breathing correctly when you inhale your belly should inflate like a balloon. When I inhaled my stomach would suck up into my ribs (picture sucking in your gut to fit into a tight pair of jeans, which by the way, is just as bad as breathing wrong). Because of this my lungs didn't take in a full dose of air making me feel short of breath and anxious. I also had the habit of holding my breath. Although my history of anxiety started in my head, it eventually affected the way I breathed.

Eventually I learned how to breathe right but it took time. I still catch myself doing it wrong, especially when I'm under a lot of stress. Chronic stress has a negative affect on the body, especially in the respiratory system. It restricts the connective and muscular tissue in the chest causing a decrease in the range of motion of the chest wall, aka shallow breathing. It's that feeling of tightness we get in our chest when we are scared or upset. Taking shallow breaths when we're upset only gives oxygen to the upper half of our lungs. The bottom part of our lungs have the most blood vessels, which help circulate oxygen to the rest of our body. If oxygen isn't getting to where it's best absorbed in the lungs, our bodies have to work harder to circulate the little oxygen it has been given.

When our bodies are in overdrive our sympathetic nervous system is stimulated. This can cause a lot of physical responses such as a rising heart rate, increased perspiration, muscle tension and rapid, shallow breathing. This system is designed to put us into our fight or flight response helping us face dangerous situations. However, with life constantly being on the go, our bodies now perceive being late for work as a flight or fight response and our body reacts accordingly. It's not like we see a tiger and have to run for our lives, but when we realize that we're late, our breathing becomes rapid and shallow triggering our sympathetic nervous system into action. Over time this causes health issues such as inflammation, high blood pressure and muscle pain and that is just the start of things.

Deep abdominal breathing helps to calm the sympathetic system by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic systems job is to calm us down. When it is set into motion, it's like the moment you step onto the beach for your vacation and you sigh with relief. That sigh is beneficial to your health.

If we are breathing correctly, when we exhale our bodies are designed to release 70% of its toxins. We exhale carbon dioxide, which is toxic, but if we aren't fully exhaling we aren't getting all the toxins out. The other detoxification systems in the body (the lymph system is one) have to work harder to expel waste. This is taxing to the body and can make us weak and more susceptible to illness.

Besides subduing our sympathetic system, deep breathing has other benefits.

1. Helps reduce pain by releasing endorphins which are the bodies natural pain killers. Focus on the breath, not the pain. Having given birth to my daughter naturally, I can speak from experience, this one is helpful.

2. Improves digestion by increasing blood flow. It encourages intestinal action, improving how the body digests food. Our digestive system gets shut down when we're stressed. Taking deep breaths to stay calm will keep the system up and running well. This is especially helpful for people with IBS.

3. Stimulates our lymphatic system. Lymph fluid rids the body of the debris our cells excrete. Proper breathing stimulates the lymphatic fluid, efficiently getting waste out of our bodies. It's like giving your garbage guy a cup of coffee.

4. Expands our cardiovascular capacity. I once got my lung capacity tested to see if my allergies were affecting my lungs. The guy who did the test asked if I was a runner because I had such great results. Truth was, at that time, the only exercise I had done regularly for the past three years was yoga.

5. Improves energy by allowing the body to work efficiently. You're reducing the body's exposure to anxiety so you sleep better. This allows you to wake up rested and full of energy.

If you Google the benefits of deep breathing, you'll find many reasons why it's essential to your health. Some sound a little crazy, but what it all comes back to is giving your body the oxygen it craves. It works better when it has it, like oil in a car. Something as simple as correcting your breathing patterns and building awareness to take deep breaths in time of stress, can have a profound affect on your health.

Click here to learn the Ujjayi breath, it's a great place to start. Try practicing it for 5 minutes a day and use it when you are stressed.

Savasana: Adult Nap Time

I love yoga, but I mostly go for the savasana at the end. In my 20's I was wasn't a napper, I had endless energy. At that point in my yoga journey I was doing power yoga and savasana consisted of two minutes at the end of class. It felt like it was thrown in there because that's what you do at the end of a yoga class. Due to it's shortness, I never got much benefit from it so I never gave it any thought.

Now that I'm in my 30's and a mom I love savasana. Any excuse to lay still for a few minutes is pure heaven. If I'm in a class and there is only five minutes left and the teacher still hasn't gotten us into savasana, I get edgy. I love my down time and I want more than the few minutes the teacher has hastily thrown in there.

In our stressed out, fast paced society, finding or allowing ourselves the time to slow down is dwindling. As children we were made to nap because our parents told us we needed the recharge. Somewhere along the way into adulthood the concept of the nap was lost, turning us into caffeine addicts. Savasana is making us take our nap.

Although savasana isn't a power nap, it has the same benefits as one by reducing fatigue and improving your mood. It increases alertness and performance, allowing a quicker reaction time (think less bumping into things). Allowing yourself time to relax and completely let go leaves you clear headed. This means less confusion, mistakes at work and better memory (We've all mumbled "why did I walk into this room, I came to get something...").

Have you ever wondered what a yoga teacher does while you are in savasana? If we're tired we'll do it with you or we'll sit and meditate. But before we do we will see how you're doing in your savasana. Don't be fooled that this is an easy pose. To sit still for some is torture. I have students that fidgeted endlessly in this pose when they first started yoga. With some practice and learning to let go they were able to enjoy it and relax. If you are one of those students, have hope, relaxation is within your reach. You have to teach your body and mind to let go. You can't will this to happen, you have to let it happen.

In order to get the full benefit of the pose you need at least 5-10 minutes in it, if you can do more, even better. Another perk of savasana is that it allows your body to soak up the benefits of the practice. It gives your muscles and nervous system the opportunity to shed their tense habits and see what it feels like to be relaxed. Rushing through savasana will defeat the whole purpose of the pose.

To help my students relax I do a body scan once they get into the pose. You can do this as well. Start with your feet and say in your mind; "My feet are relaxed and heavy." Continue this up the body. I break the body into sections: feet, calves, thighs, hips, lower and upper back, abs, chest, hands, lower and upper arms, shoulders, neck, jaw, eyes, face and entire head. You can also use color. Pick your favorite color, one that relaxes you. As you go through and relax each body part imagine your relaxing color filling that space. Tense and release is another option. Squeeze each body part as tight as you can on the inhale and completely relax and let it go on the exhale. After you go through the entire body, tense the whole body, squeezing as hard as you can and let go.

If laying in savasana is physically uncomfortable for you try props. Put a bolster or roll up a blanket and put it under your knees. You can also roll a blanket up and put it under your neck. Eye pillows are a nice addition, especially if you are tired or the yoga space can't dim the lighting.

The best thing you can take from your savasana is a feeling of calmness. Knowing it's always with you even in times of high stress. When you need it just close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. By practicing savasana you have taught your body how to let go.

Time for a Change, Don't Be Afraid to Fall on Your Face

Is your life just as you imagined? I wasn't a dreamer when I was a kid. I never imagined my wedding, the type of guy I would marry or what I wanted to be when I grew up. I lived in the moment and expected that good things would find me. Luckily two out of three things turned out well. I met my soul mate and married him on a glacier in Alaska. Great guy and amazing wedding, check. Knowing what I wanted to do when I grew up didn't turn out so well. Some things in life work out better if you have a plan.

There's a quote floating around "I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want this.". It's easy to see when we're unhappy with our life, but the answer for how to fix it isn't so easily found. Not knowing what I wanted to do when I grew up felt adventurous when I was younger, but now that I'm in a job that frustrates me I'm regretting my lack of planning. I could give up and work in my current job till I retire, but that would suck, so I'm going to have to do something about it. I need a plan.

Planning out a change in your life can be scary. There are more risks involved, especially if you are older. Bills to pay, kids to take care of and moving isn't as easy as packing up your car and hitting the road. More time and consideration is needed. Fear plays a big role as well and if you let it get to you it can stop you in your tracks.

I don't want to look back in ten years and feel like I've wasted my life. I want to look back and smile knowing that I spent my time doing what I wanted. Everything in life can't be perfect, but at least it can be fun. Work is still work, but since we spend the majority of our life doing it, it should be something we enjoy.

How to get over the fear of making the change? You have to be ready to fall on your face. It's naïve to think that making a career change is going to be easy, so why not practice literally falling on your face?

Arm balances are challenging both physically and emotionally. You have to be strong enough to hold yourself up and believe in yourself so you don't fall down. You can be physically strong but emotionally weak and you will fall in this pose every time. Practicing and achieving this pose will teach you that you can hold yourself up, that you are strong enough to do anything you set your mind to. You will fall, many times in fact. You will feel weak and think that you will never get it, but with time and work you will. All of this can be applied to your life as well.

Crane pose is a fun way to build your confidence in arm balances. It looks challenging, but it is a beginner balance pose. The biggest trick to this pose is your mind. You have to be calm and focus. Physically you need to engage and lift with your core. The strength is in your core, not so much your arms.

The principals that you apply to your yoga practice work for your life as well. Set an intention in your life, focus, work hard, breathe deeply and you will see results.

Hamstrings: Don't Be in a Hurry to Touch Your Toes

When students complain about lack of flexibility in class the hamstrings are mentioned often. It's as if the main goal of the beginning yoga student is to touch their toes. Once they reach those feet and grab hold they've made it, they consider themselves flexible. I still remember the day I got my head to my knees, I was so excited, but then bad things started to happen.

My knees began to hurt more and my lower back ached. I could now touch my toes but at what cost to my joint stability? Hamstring flexibility is important as it helps to balance out the pelvis which allows for a happy healthy back. They anchor the sit bones (the sit bones are the bony part of your butt under all your padding, if your unsure have a skinny person sit in your lap, you'll figure them out pretty quick). By anchoring the sit bones it limits the forward tilt of your pelvis allowing a stable base for the spine. If the hamstrings are too tight they can pull the pelvis down (picture tucking the tailbone under) causing a flat lower back. If they are too loose the pelvis can tilt too far forward causing a sway back. Neither of these back positions are comfortable nor good for the spine and surrounding muscles.

The hamstrings also affect the knees. The end of the hamstring attaches behind the knee and if the hamstring is too flexible it will compromise the stability of the knee. If a joint isn't stable it doesn't move correctly which can lead to loss of cartilage, tendinitis and bursitis. Same goes for the low back. A loose hamstring will cause instability in the pelvis, mostly the sacroiliac joint, giving the yogi a dull ached usually on one side that radiates into the hip joint.

Too tight and too loose isn't good, we need to find a happy medium. Yoga classes mainly focus on flexibility so it is up to you to make sure that you get your stretch, but maintain the strength in the muscles as well. Most teachers who have only taken their 200 hour trainings haven't been taught the woes of hyper-flexibility and will sadly only learn about it when their own bodies start to have trouble or they take more trainings.

A few simple tricks will help to protect your hamstrings and keep them balanced.

• Make sure you are feeling the stretch in the belly (middle main part) of the muscle. If you aren't feeling a stretch and you are deep into a pose, stop stretching and focus on strengthening the muscle. You're hyper-flexible and the muscle stretched beyond its stretch point, going further into the stretch will harm surrounding joints.
• Keep your pelvis level.
• Engage the thighs as you stretch the hamstring.
• If you are really tight in the hamstrings, bend the knees a bit so the stretch isn't as intense. You don't want to power through a stretch.
• If there is pain you are pushing too hard and doing more harm than good. Back off.

There are lots of ways to strengthen and stretch the hamstrings, below are a few of my favorites. Make sure to follow the suggestions mentioned above when doing the poses. Click on the poses to learn more about them and how to do them safely.

• Forward bends: to strengthen inhale half way up, extending the spine out and hold. You can put the hands on the hips, out to the side (harder) or out in front of you like warrior III (hardest). Engage the legs with a slight bend in the knees.
• Downward Dog: to make sure you are doing your down dog right check this out.
• Triangle: to make this a strengthening pose don't support your weight with your hand on your leg. Engage your core and lift. This will engage the legs more and also help strengthen your oblique's.
• Extended Side Angle: to strengthen, do the same as in triangle, don't support your weight with your elbow on the leg or hand on the floor.
• Hamstring Curls: these are purely for strength. If you have over stretched weak hamstrings you will only be able to do a few before your hamstrings start to cramp. Don't push through that, stop and try again tomorrow. You will have to work up to doing more of these. When I first started doing them I could barely do five. Now I can do four reps of 10 with only one leg on the ball. With time you will get where you want to be.

To do a hamstring curl lie on your back and place your feet on an exercise ball. Engage your core and on your exhale straighten your legs and roll the ball out. Inhale bend your legs rolling the ball back. Make sure not to tighten your shoulders while you do this.

No matter where your hamstrings are, be it tight or too loose, you can get them to where they need to be. In either case you will need to be patient. If you are working towards flexible hamstrings, it's a good idea to do the strengthening exercises as well. Do 50% stretch and 50% strengthen. Your goal isn't to touch your toes, but to have a healthy back. If you are hyper-flexible focus 80% strengthening and 20% stretch. When you do stretch do it right, don't just flop into it.

Always think about your stretch, there is a lot involved. Be safe and give your body what it needs and since that is constantly changing, always check in with your body before each pose.

Controlling Your Anger

I woke up angry this morning. As I write this I'm still angry. The frustrating part is I'm not really sure why I'm upset. Something in my life is gnawing at me and I need to figure out what it is and soon! While investigating my anger I'm going to need an outlet so that I don't hurt my friends and family and possibly cause issues at work. This outlet is called the Kick of Fury. Just the name of it makes me feel better.

When we think of yoga helping us deal with anger one might picture a person sitting in perfect meditation, learning to let go of their anger, once they come out of their practice they can go on their merry way happy as can be. Good luck with that. Anger is an intense emotion. Meditation can be helpful in dealing with it, but sometimes it isn't enough.

As humans, when we're angry, we like to use our bodies to express it. You can see this clearly in kids. When they're upset they like to kick or hit things. As adults, we try to have a little more reserve, but we still feel the need to express it physically. Some people will run or go to the gym, others slam their fists down on the desk or stomp the floor. Anything to work off the negative energy they're feeling. Our minds can't work it out all on their own as the emotions are stored not just in the brain, but in our bodies. We need to get the intense emotions out before they build to a dangerous level and explode.

The kick of fury is simple and effective. Stand in high lunge, bring your back foot forward and kick through to stork (standing tall with your leg extended straight out like you're going to kick something). Repeat many times on your right and left side. Kick a few times with your right leg, then switch to your left. The beauty of this pose is not just the kicking, but the control you have while doing it. This pose teaches you to control your anger and not let your anger control you. Make sure while you're doing it that you regulate your breath, a nice even inhale and exhale. Exhale on the kick.

Start slow and don't speed up till you can do the kick through without wobbling. As you gain more control you can speed it up, but if you start to wobble, meaning your anger may be taking over the pose instead of you taking over your anger, you need to slow down again. Make sure that you aren't tensing your body, relax it as much as you can while staying strong in the pose. You have the option of yelling or speaking loudly while doing this. I like to yell Ha! as I kick. Another option to yelling is to say a positive mantra like "I'm in control of my anger." or make it more specific to your situation. "I won't let my co-worker take advantage of me.".

Once you finish your kicks come into tadasana with your eyes closed and notice your breath. Were you able to keep it under control or are you breathing hard? If you're breathing hard, when you do the kicks again, try to keep the breath calm. Feel you body, notice if the anger has lessened or if it still remains. Are you in control or did the practice make you feel out of control? If it did, were you deliberate in your movements or were you letting the anger control your movements? Perhaps you need a round two. If anything has come up for you (like in my case the actual reason I'm angry) you can journal about it.

Controlling our anger before it hurts others is important. Once something hurtful comes out of our mouth it takes a lot to repair it. When I'm having a bad day I tell people I'm having one, especially my kid. I want her to know that my anger isn't her fault. Never be ashamed of your anger, it is there for a reason, but how you deal with it is up to you and you own the results of that anger.

A Yoga Hike, Get Out and Enjoy Fall.

I love fall, especially living in the north east. The explosion of color every October makes me want to live in the woods. I’m lucky that I have some trails in the woods behind my office so on my lunch I can wander out and enjoy the colors. One of my favorite things to do on my hikes is to stop and do some yoga. Nothing fancy, but just a few stretches to work out the kinks of sitting at my desk and to refresh my mind.

Doing yoga out in nature exposes us to the elements. There are five elements in nature and in our bodies. When the elements in our bodies are out of whack, connecting with them in nature can help to put us back into balance.

In the Ayurveda tradition the five elements consist of fire, water, earth, air and space. Fire is the heat and energy in our bodies, water is our life sustaining fluid, we are 70% water. Earth is the food that we digest from nature giving our bodies energy.  Air flows through our bodies allowing movement to biological functions and feeding our cells (in yoga we call this prana). Space is ever present and allows room for all the other elements to interact.

Because our bodies are so in tuned with nature, it is essential that we get out in it. This is especially important when we don’t quite feel like ourselves. Fall is the season of Vata, which is a dosha or body type in Ayurvedic medicine. When our vata is out of whack we feel spacy and have a hard time concentrating on anything. Getting out in nature is great for restoring balance to your vata. By immersing yourself in nature, feeling the ground beneath your feet, breathing in the fresh air and calming your mind with the sounds of the forest, you are, in a way, hitting your reset button.

Whether you have an hour or only ten minutes, you can take advantage of it. Simply find a place in nature that you can go, even if it is a local park. Hike for a few minutes till you find a nice spot. Start by doing some high lunges and then continue on your way. Finding another spot, do a little flow sequence, focusing on the breath. I like warrior II, extended side angle and triangle. Once you've finished both sides, walk a bit more until you find another great spot. Come into standing crescent moon (stand tall and arch your whole body over to one side), eagle arms and finally interlacing your hands behind your back bending into a forward fold. Once you're finished, close your eyes and take ten deep breaths. If you have the time, keep your eyes closed and just listen, enjoy the stillness until you are ready to finish your hike.

Even with winter coming you can still keep up this routine, just dress a bit warmer. Our bodies crave fresh air, we love being outside and it shows when we don’t get it. We get depressed, anxious and grumpy. Getting out into the woods will do you wonders.

Downward Dog, Finding the Perfect Dog

Whenever I've had a long day and my body feels tense I go into my go to stretch, downward facing dog. I love it because in one quick pose I can get all my major muscle groups. Not to mention when your view of the world is upside down it doesn't seem so bad, all my worries start to pour out and my breath calms. Down dog is a playful pose which is why kids and dogs love it! It's a good way to lighten the load on your muscles and your mood.

As easy and playful as this pose seems, there are some things that you need to check to make sure that you are doing it correctly, especially if you are flying through it in a flow class. Below are various down dog poses and the misalignment's that I see in students.

                    Good downward dog: Notice the length in the spine and no bend in the wrists. This allows the weight of the pose to be evenly distributed throughout the body. She is pulling back through the hips while keeping her shoulders set in the shoulder sockets. Her head is hanging, allowing the neck to stretch and relax. Her feet and hands are spaced appropriately. 

 

       Bad downward dog: Notice the curve in the upper back and all the weight on the shoulders and wrists. In the attempt to straighten the legs she has curved her spine. It is better to bend the knees and lengthen through the spine. Instead of her fingers pointing forward, they are angling outward putting uneven pressure on the wrists.

Hyper-extended downward dog: This is seen in people who are hyper-flexible. I had a hard time finding a good photo, but as you see in the photo below her head is hanging below her forearms and there is a prominent curve in her mid back. The elbows tend to hyper-extend as well. To prevent this, don't let your back drop, engage in the core as you pull back with the hips also putting a micro bend in the elbows.

 Modified downward dog: In order to keep the spine long and allow the weight to be evenly distributed the legs need to be able to lengthen and the heels to come to the floor. If you have tight hamstrings this won't be an option for you. To get the length in the spine you will need to bend the knees. As your hamstrings begin to lengthen with time you will be able to straighten the legs. Please remember that it will take time to get your heels to the floor, don't be in a rush.

If you are doing your downward dog correctly it should feel weightless. In a flow class the pose is meant to be a resting place. Knowing the proper space of your hands and feet is essential so when you flow into the pose you will automatically find the right position. Remember to check your carrying angle so that you don't damage your shoulders.

Click here learn how to properly get into downward dog and check out this article to learn more specific details to make the pose even better. Downward dog is the foundation of a good yoga practice. Take the time to make sure your foundation is strong.

Letting Go of Strong Emotions

Have you ever had a confrontation with someone and hours later your body still feels as tense as it did in the moment? Your mind is replaying the conversation over and over, you just can't let it go. Maybe it isn't a recent confrontation, but something that happened years ago that you never let go of. These strong emotions are toxic and the stress associated with them can lead to disease.

You can't let go of something till you fully feel and process it. Replaying something over and over in our minds isn't processing, but just repeating what happened. Questioning something, wondering how or why it happened isn't helpful either because there isn't always an answer to your questions.

Our emotions have physical reactions in our bodies. Sometimes it's the physical sensation that we notice first rather than the strong emotion. Picture your fist clenching when something is making you angry. Associating something physical to our emotions can help our minds to process it easier. We all know physically how good it feels to let go of a heavy burden, the same thing applies to our minds. The exercise below is a way of connecting the emotions to the physical body so that you can let them go.

Lie on your stomach in crocodile pose (forearms stacked, resting your head on your arms) and begin to think about the strong emotion you want to let go of. Don't think about the specifics, like the actual conversation, but the sensations of the emotions, like tension in your chest and shoulders or perhaps a feeling of anxiety.

Once you have a sense of the emotion come into locust pose. Locust pose works well because it engages a lot of muscles. As you contract your muscles imagine all the tension you feel is that strong emotion. Feel it fully, perhaps squeeze a bit harder into the pose and hold it as long as you can with that emotion fully present in the mind. When you are ready completely let go. Let go physically and emotionally and just focus on the breath while you relax back in crocodile pose. If the emotion tries to come back in, don't focus on it, but just on the breath. You will probably have to do this exercise a few times, or perhaps many if the emotion is deeply rooted. You will want to practice it daily until you feel the emotion as completely left your body.

Practicing tense and release with the body teaches us how to physically let go of tension. By associating our emotions with it we are teaching our minds how to let go as well. Learning to let go is essential to our health. You don't have to do locust pose as any tensing of the body will do the trick. You can even do it while you are sitting at your desk. Don't let strong emotions rule your life, let them go before they take root and do damage to your health. You are in control and have the tool to let them go.

Get Rid of Your Goals

If you want to achieve something you have to set a goal...right? Wrong. Once you hit high school you're constantly being asked what your goals are. What do you want to be when you grow up? Where do you want to go to college? If you're not going to college, what do you want to do with yourself? That's a lot of pressure. Even once you get through school or establish yourself in the workforce you are still expected to have goals. What is the next thing you are going to achieve, god forbid you just sit back and enjoy life a little.

I read this great article about not setting goals. Instead of setting goals, where if we don't achieve what we set our sights on we will be sadly disappointed, he wants us to set our focus on something instead. Here is a quote from the article that I love. "A goal defines an outcome you want to achieve; an area of focus establishes activities you want to spend your time doing. A goal is a result; an area of focus is a path. A goal points to a future you intend to reach; an area of focus settle you into the present." So well said.

Yogi's love working toward being present, it is a constant practice. When we set goals it is so hard to stay present. We are constantly checking to see if we are getting closer to our end goal. It is hard to be present when you are constantly looking ahead. When we aren't present we miss out on things, so we may eventually achieve our goal but we won't remember or enjoy the process it took to get there.

My goal when I decided to do my teacher training was to become a yoga therapist. I was so wrapped up with doing the trainings that I didn't enjoy the process. I didn't come out of it with as deep of an experience as I wish I had. I am now going back through my studies and redoing a lot of personal work that is required for the training. When I went through the first time I learned all the techniques, but I didn't experience all of them deeply, mostly because I was afraid of what I would uncover. In order to be a great teacher in any field you need to experience the material.

"An area of focus is a path." When I picture a path I picture a winding one that meanders through the woods. You generally aren't in a hurry when you are on a path, but enjoying the view, listening to the sounds of the forest and taking in all the smells. "A goal is a result." I see a result as a direct response to something I've done. Generally it would include working hard and feeling stressed. If I had to choose between taking a path to become a yoga therapist verses the result of becoming one, I would choose the path any day.

Life is about enjoying the journey. Goals are important, but they can cause a lot of stress when we aren't meeting out short term goals. We lose sight of our long term goals because they can seem so far away. By focusing on a single task and enjoying it for what it is there's no pressure. Your only concern is to enjoy doing what needs to be done and to accept the results. I believe that setting your focus on something will get you there just like setting a goal will. The difference is that with setting a focus you will enjoy the journey and possibly learn more.

If your goal is to get into an advanced pose, don't devote your entire yoga practice to getting into it. Perhaps you'll never get that pose perfect because your anatomy simply won't let you. Instead focus on the steps it takes to get you to that pose. Generally advanced poses are difficult to achieve because some part of your body needs to open up to get into it. Each time your body opens up and you move to the next prep pose you will feel great, verse instead of just setting the goal of that perfect pose and if in a month you still aren't there you're all upset.

Yoga Journal's website is a great resource for prep poses to get you into that final pose your aiming for. Check out this link to see how to eventually get into King Pigeon Pose. Focus on getting each prep pose perfect before moving onto the next and the results you will enjoy at the end will be worth it. Enjoy the journey down the path.

What's the Rush!

I was waiting at the bus stop with my kid today and when I heard the bus coming I called her over. I asked for a hug goodbye and she said, "Can't got to go". Even though the bus was still a few feet away, she felt she didn't have the time to say goodbye to me. That sucked, but what sucked even more was that it was my fault. One of my biggest anxieties I have is perpetually worrying about being late. I feel like I'm always rushing to get somewhere. Without meaning to I passed this on to my daughter, so at five she is worried about being late. That's not cool.

I consider myself lucky in the sense that I'm aware of this anxiety and that to some degree I'm working on it. Unfortunately I'm only at the point where I know how to calm myself down once I realize I'm getting all worked up. In the mornings when I'm trying to get my kid out the door I'm rushing her and myself and don't get to the calming down point till I wave goodbye as the bus is driving away. So all she sees is mommy worried about being late, she never gets to see me relax.

When working on something we don't like about ourselves you need to have awareness of the issue and also the strength to diligently work on it. For example, instead of waiting to take a break and calm down at the end of each episode, I could stop right in my tracks (even though I think by doing that I'll make myself late) and take a few deep breaths. It also helps to have a mantra, or a positive phrase that you say over and over in your head, or aloud if you need a bit more encouragement. I could say, when I'm feeling rushed, "It's OK, you have plenty of time." So if I feel I don't have time to take a few breaths, I can at least repeat my mantra over and over.

These two tricks, the breathing and the mantra, are simple, but can have a profound impact. You see, as awesome as our brains are, they are pretty easy to trick. If we say something enough times and give our brains a moment to let it sink in, lasting changes can be made.

I don't imagine my battle with this anxiety issue will be over with anytime soon. I've had it since childhood. I am hopeful though that my daughter won't have to deal with it. I will be teaching her the same breath work and mantra that I use so that when she sees me all worried about being late, she can calm herself down. I've also told her to remind mommy if she looks like she is worried. When I tell myself to calm down I don't always listen, but when it comes from her I will. The same can apply to you, have someone in your life who you care about and trust point out when you are doing that thing you are trying to stop doing. It's easier to beat something as a team rather than going solo.

There will be times that you fail, you will not stop and take a breath and you won't say your mantra. When this happens it's OK. Just try again the next time. Staying positive about changing will help you achieve your goal, while beating yourself up for slipping will only discourage you and make you want to just give up.

Everyone can change as long as they put in the effort. Write down your worst quirk. Something that drives you nuts and affects the people around you. Then write down a mantra, remember to keep it in the present. I am, not I will. Practice taking slow deep breaths. If your mind is really racing count to ten as you breathe. Last, find a friend or family member who will not be afraid to let you know when you're slipping. Good luck and just keep on taking those deep breaths, eventually you will realize you aren't having to take as many as you used to.

The Perfect Yoga Mat

I'm neurotic about my mat. I would rather practice on a bare floor than borrow a studio mat or bum one off of a friend. My mat is my space. It has to be just the right amount of sticky and thick enough so that when I'm on my knees I'm comfortable. I've had a lot of yoga mats over the years, in fact I still have my first mat. It was a forest green mat from Gaiam. I don't actually use it anymore, I think I keep it around for nostalgic reasons. It was a good first mat, but I found that it lost its stickiness after a few months. Nothing distracts you more in a class than slipping on your mat. The feeling of stability on your mat gives your mind the same sense of stability. When we are slipping in life it makes our mind feel unsettled.

The saying, "You get what you pay for." is so true when it comes to yoga mats. If you go to target and buy a mat for $19 you are going to get a crap mat. It will be thin and lose its stickiness quickly and is generally made in china with harmful chemicals. In a yoga class you do a lot of deep breathing with your face close to your mat (think chaturanga). You want to make sure that you aren't breathing anything harmful. 

There are a lot of mats to choose from out there and I've tried a few. I stopped looking when I found Manduka. Check out this link for Premium Yoga Mats from Manduka. I love their mats! They are an eco-friendly company so you know you're not going to be doing yoga on a toxic surface nor breathing in nasty fumes. They have a large variety of mats to choose from. Thin, thick, skinny, wide, light or heavy...just to name a few. All kinds of colors are available and when you are done you can even get a mat recycling kit.

The thing I love the most about this mat is that it stays sticky and the thickness of my mat hasn't thinned out. I've had my current mat for about three years and it is still as sticky and thick as when I bought it. I can wash it as well. I just get some mat wash (I love the one from Vermont Organics, it's their Organic Yoga and Exercise Mat Cleaner 16oz), scrub it down and throw it in the washer on gentle (with no soap) and let it air dry. Don't ever dry your mat in the sun, it will break down the rubber. My only complaint about this mat is that when I first got it it had a strong rubber smell, however you will find that all new mats smell. At least with this mat you know the smell isn't harming you.

Manduka mats aren't cheap. The cheapest one you can buy is $40. Like I mentioned above I had my current mat for about three years and I don't foresee buying another one anytime soon. I spent about $70 on mine. If I bought a cheap mat for $20, but had to replace it every year I would be spending the same amount over time so why not go with the better product?

Getting the perfect mat for your practice is important. You are creating your space to practice and your mat is an important aspect of that. Your mat is an extension of who you are. The color you choose, the thickness, etc. They all say a little bit about you. Making an investment in your yoga practice may also encourage you to stick with it. Take your time choosing your mat and find the right fit for you.

Hidden Stress

My husband had shoulder surgery yesterday. After four dislocations he decided it was time to stabilize his joint. We had talked about the operation and the recovery and I felt fine about the situation. Being around hospitals and medicine was normal for me and I was excited about him not having to worry about his shoulder so much. While he was getting ready to go into surgery I felt calm. The nurse, doing her typical soothe the family routine actually made me somewhat anxious. She kept telling me that he was going to be ok and that there was nothing to worry about. She explained that it was ok for me to be worried or anxious. I wanted to put duck tape over her mouth and let her know that I’ve got it, this is no problem.

Later that afternoon, after I got him home, gave my daughter her after school snack and called his parents, it hit me, exhaustion. Not just a subtle thing but a I just want to go to bed now exhaustion. While on the exterior I felt fine, deep down, where I wasn’t paying attention, stress was building. The comments the nurse was making, although I consciously ignored them, subconsciously they were making their mark.

Stress is funny like that. It can be very subtle and we don’t know that it has engulfed us till we feel like we hit a wall. Being the smart yogi that I am I should have known this and taken precautions. While Jeff was in surgery I decided to write my blog, check my emails and get started on a good book a friend borrowed me. What I should have done was take ten minutes and check in. A little meditation to calm my nerves and see how I was really doing. Instead I powered through allowing myself to think that I was just fine.

There are situations in life where we know they are going to be stressful. Sometimes we surprise ourselves by not reacting as badly as we thought we would. But is that true? Perhaps on the outside we didn’t, but the old reactions are still there, just a bit deeper down. When you find yourself in one of these take a moment to just sit and listen to the mind and the body, see what is going on in there. When a loved one is in the hospital it is normal to feel stress and worry. I had convinced myself otherwise but my body knew better.

Once I realized how stressful my day really was I decided to give myself a little TLC. I got my hubby all tucked in and relaxed then I took care of myself. I could have just fallen into bed and hoped for the best in the morning, but I knew that it was going to be a long night. Waking up to help him with his pain medicine and just not sleeping well worrying about how he is feeling. In order to take care of others you need to take care of yourself.

I did this by having a slow deliberate practice. Almost like a walking meditation, but with a yoga flow. All I did was a sun salutation over and over again. Holding each pose for three to five breaths before slowly flowing into the next pose. It was like I was moving in slow motion. I focused on my breath and all the sensations I was feeling in my body. It brought me out of my thoughts and connected me back to my body. Once I was done I laid in Savasana and just relaxed. Ten minutes later when I got up I felt rejuvenated and ready for whatever the rest of the night was going to bring.

Stress is a part of life, we can’t avoid it. How we choose to deal with it is important. You have to deal with it. If you push it away and avoid it, it will only take root in your body and cause issues so you might as well face it now. Yoga helps with the stress you are currently dealing with and to let go of old stress. Any stressful event you have ever been through and not dealt with is in your body. That fight you had with your best friend in high school, not getting your first job out of college or running late for an appointment. The stress we store in our bodies builds up and once it hits a point of full capacity problems start to arise. We see this as irritable bowl syndrome, high blood pressure, heart burn, trouble sleeping, etc. The list of problems is long. When stress hits us our bodies try to make us more efficient to defend ourselves. It will shut down body systems it doesn’t deem useful for flight or fight. Our reproductive and digestive are two systems that get turned off. Chronic stress will cause these two systems to not work properly which is when you start to get the medical issues listed above.

It’s in your best interest to listen to your body, know when it is stressed and do something about it. Taking 15-30 minutes on your yoga mat is much cheaper and more convenient than a trip to the doctors office. Yoga can heal by stopping that which shuts our bodies down and that is stress. Stress also ages you so you can consider yoga the fountain of youth. So take the time today to take care of yourself, you deserve it.