Is Tension Your Security Blanket?

Anger and fear are powerful. When you're feeling weak and vulnerable the surge of power you feel when you get angry can be addicting. That is why anger can be so dangerous. Drugs aren't the only thing that we get addicted to, emotions can be easily abused as well. There have been situations when I can feel the anger rising in me. My conscious brain knows that I need to calm down but the surge of adrenaline that is running through my body feels so good that I don't want to stop. Letting go of my anger is a wonderful release. I feel powerful and in control of the situation, but the results I get from it leave me feeling awful. Like the druggie that comes down from a high, the lows are the lowest.

The tension that we hold in our bodies is a constant reminder of our stress, anger and fear. But is also reminds us of how strong we were when we fought back and gives us a sense of protection. I was doing hypnosis the other day and the woman was doing a great job at getting me to relax. I noticed however that I had to keep letting go of tension in my body, it kept creeping back up. As I'm trying to relax I kept thinking, why can't I let go of this tension? How is it serving me? It must be giving me something, otherwise I could easily let it go.

Tension is the bodies way of telling you that something is wrong. It's our alarm system. Typically a lot of the alarms we set off are all in our head and unnecessary. We feel safer if we're always on guard and ready for anything, but that is a painful way to live, literally.

My daughter has a blanket named "Fuzzy" that's she's had since she was a toddler. Whenever she's hurt or sad she loves to snuggle with it. It calms her and helps her feel and safe. I find that my tension is the same way, only not as comforting. When I was trying to let go of the tension in my body I found that I was afraid to do so. I felt that it would leave me unprotected. It was like the first day of school when I told my daughter she couldn't take her Fuzzy with her. She felt vulnerable. What if she needed it? I felt the same way about my tension. If I learned to let go of it, how would I know when something was wrong? How would my body warn me? Without my tension I feel vulnerable and open to attack.

Truth is, my body would still tell me. I'm hard wired for that natural response of fight or flight. The difference is, that I would let it go once it served me. Not hold onto it like a shield. My body could relax after the confrontation rather than stay tense and worry about the next thing coming.

My daughter eventually learned that she could handle the hard things in life without her Fuzzy and I have to learn that I can let go of tension and deal with things as they come rather than walking around guarded all the time. It's ok to let things go and not worry about them all the time. It's ok to deal with anger in a healthy way rather than let it build up till it explodes. Not only will my life be calmer and relationships be smoother, but my body will feel better. I won't be walking around with tension, but free and relaxed. By starting off relaxed in tense situations, rather then already wound up, I'll be better able to handle them. Thinking before I act rather than letting the adrenaline rush of anger dictate my actions.

Try the following relaxation technique and see how well you let go of tension. If you can't seem to release it, meaning you get a body part relaxed only to find a few minutes later that it's tense again, keep trying to relax that body part till it lets go. After you're done, journal your thoughts. Why do you think you can't let go? What are you protecting? What would happen if you let go? If you don't get any answers, try the exercise again the next day. Keep at it, eventually you'll get a response.

Lying in a comfortable position work your way through the body relaxing each part. Inhale a sense of relaxation and on the exhale completely let go. If it helps, you can imagine a relaxing color and on the exhale flood the body part you're trying to relax with that color. It also helps to imagine that you're in a relaxing and safe place. Work from your toes up to your head.

Relax through the following body parts: Feet, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips, butt, low back, upper back, stomach, chest, fingers, hands, lower arms, upper arms, shoulders, neck, jaw, eyes, forehead and entire head. Don't worry if you forget a body part, remember the goal is to just let go.

 There are a lot of CD's on conscious relaxation. If you're not up to doing your own, try one of those. iTunes is full of them.

We all hold on to things for a reason. Finding out why you hold on to tension will give you the answer to letting it go. My daughter still uses her Fuzzy now and then, but she's learning to cope without it more and more the older she gets. As adults we will always have that scared child in us and it's nice to have a security blanket. Instead of that blanket being your tension, why not let it be your belief that you are strong enough to handle the hard things that life throws at you. Let your faith in yourself be your security.